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In my work as a therapist, I identify that one of the most challenging experiences couples go through is when they find it hard to trust each other. The question of whether to trust or not trust their partner haunts them every night.
The ability to trust your partner gives you a safety net to explore your relationship in different hues of possibilities. Without trust, it is hard to imagine a healthy relationship. This safety net isn't weaved in a day, it is built over time. Interestingly what I notice is that trust is not just dependent on your partner's action or their reassurances that they will always be there with you. Many individuals struggle with trust because of how they understand trust, because of their past experiences, or because they just want to protect themselves from getting hurt. Trust in a relationship is a shared responsibility, which is cultivated over time with deeper engagement with yourself and your partner
This article explores how to build trust by reexploring the understanding of trust and gives you a guide on how you can navigate trust in your relationship.
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Sometimes our ability to trust goes back to our understanding of trust. Rachel Botsman defines trust as a "confident engagement with the unknown." This definition beautifully captures the essence of trust in a relationship. Trust in a relationship will always be the walk with the unknown, and uncertain, which means that trust isn't a promise to never hurt each other. According to Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist, "trust is the risk that we will hurt each other and the confidence that, if we do, we will come together to heal. We will support one another. We will be kind. We will have each other's back." Fostering such levels of trust requires taking millions of micro-risks together.
A beginning point to navigate trust in your relationship can be, to ask yourself,&nbsp;
1. "What is my understanding of trust?"
2. "Is my understanding of trust becoming a barrier to trusting my partner?"
3. "Can I make space for a new perspective in my understanding of trust?"

Reflect on your understanding of trust in a relationship:

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Don't make your past relationships/ experiences a guiding factor in trust. Every relationship is so unique in itself that it would be unfair to take it as a reference point to understand our relations. It is truly hard not to be cautious or worry when we suffer an emotional injury in our past relationships. But, often when we are too lost in looking out for red flags in a relationship, it takes us away from experiencing the relationship. It might make us too constricted in opening up or avoidant of our feelings.
&nbsp;It is okay and understandable to be cautious but at the same time, it is important to reflect and understand if looking for red flags essentially makes it hard for you to connect with the person and build trust.
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 Your past experiences are not a guide for your future relationships:

Being Vulnerable and Taking Risks is The Road to Build Trust:
Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, beautifully captures the paradox of trust, "We need&nbsp; to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust." Imagining the idea of opening yourself to the possibility of getting hurt, being vulnerable, to take risk in relationships; certainly do not come across as a tempting one, but being vulnerable and open to taking risk is the only way to cultivate trust in a relationship.&nbsp;
Being vulnerable is not the same as being reckless. Vulnerabilities give us emotional exposure, and we need that sort of openings in relationships to connect and grow. Trust is not about a grand gesture, rather it is about taking up those micro risks and adding to the jar of growing trust. The greatest gift you can give to your relationship is the gift of vulnerability to cultivate trust in the relationship.
"The more we trust, the farther we are able to venture" -Esther Perel

Article by: Pragati Goyal, LISSUN Expert

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